Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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