i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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