And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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