Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
