She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
