does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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