Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he shaved USA in his pubs
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
