so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize