Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
