our cab driver is having phone sex.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
