Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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