Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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