Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
