First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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