I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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