if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
