My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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