Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
