I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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