how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
