Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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