put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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