you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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