I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
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You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
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