I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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