not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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