my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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