he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
