whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
