non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
