garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
