Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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