I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Randomize
