from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
