ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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