you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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