I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Couch. On fire.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
