I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
