He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Loading more great texts...