adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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