If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
