Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it

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(909): View more from California

I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out

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(936): View more from Texas

He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.

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(443): View more from Maryland

There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.

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