The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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