Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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