Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
