a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
