Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
