If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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