Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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