Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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