Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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