her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
