I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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