This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
