totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
