Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
