Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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