I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
