did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
