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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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