wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
