I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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