I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
