Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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