We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
