Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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