just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
