My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
