he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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