Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
