Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
