I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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