Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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