didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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