and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
