im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
