My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
