I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
