I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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