I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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