Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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