I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
